The Joy you Feel

Because today is Saturday.


Because I just watched two dear friends of mine be united in marriage this afternoon and I am beyond thrilled for them! :)


Because I'm a recent fan of The Civil Wars.


And because I love good music, I thought I would share the link to a beautiful song.


Enjoy!

"To Whom It May Concern"

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take

I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do

Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
Ooo the way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh
The way your kisses taste

I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do, How I do

I've missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh I missed you
I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to

Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently. 

Who Is and Not "What If"

God has really been dealing with me on dwelling in peace lately.  You see--and I'm about to get very honest here, blog friends--I have really struggled with fear and anxiety.   I'm not sure why this has been such an issue for me.  God has provided me with an amazing home and family and friends.  He has always met every need that I've ever had--I've never wanted for anything that I needed and He's provided so much more than I could ever imagine.  This was something that I thought had been conquered--God had given me victory, and I imagined that this issue would never rear its ugly head again.  

But I was incorrect.  

I think part of struggling with anxiety has to do with me simply not trusting that God is Who He says He is--sovereign, powerful, good, true, faithful.  While I know these things to be true (imagine me pointing to my head here, dear readers) I don't always live like they are a reality in my life.  I fret and worry about things that are either out of my control or will never happen.  By imagining "what if" I am forgetting "what is."  Or rather Who Is--Alpha, Omega, Jehovah Jireh, Yahweh, Elohim, The Lord Most High.  

And this is wrong.

Lately, though, I've been learning that by dwelling on what I know to be TRUE and Who I know to be TRUE, I can change my response to these situations where anxiety might seem a logical reaction.  In actuality, I can do none of this myself.  It's the Holy Spirit working in and through me.  And He's using a variety of circumstances and people to teach me this lesson.

Two Sundays ago, one of our pastors (Mickey) at Crossway Community Church preached about Jesus calming the storm on the Sea of Galilee.  This is a story I have a heard a billion times, having been blessed to grow up in church and Christian school.  However, the way Mickey addressed the story was different and very applicable to me in my life right now.  The disciples should have been rational and realized that Jesus would not let anything happen to them--but fear overwhelms rationality.  I had said these very words when speaking to my parents about why I was so filled with irrational fear.  Mickey said this fear overwhelmed everything the disciples had known about Jesus.  They weren't thinking of His past care for them and how He'd always been faithful before.

And I've been there.  I've let fear overwhelm me to the point where it supersedes what I know to be true about my Sovereign God.  When the storms of life hit, they always seem stronger to us than God's Word.  But what do we know to be stronger--the God Who created us or the storm that surrounds us?  As Mickey said, it's important to remember that the same voice that spoke the winds and waves into being speaks them into submission.  Nothing is out of God's control or too big that God can't handle it.

Why do I ever doubt?

If we fear God (and I mean fear in the holy, awesome, knock your socks off kind of way), we need NEVER fear anyone or anything else, because God is much bigger than these storms that come our way.

I have a lot to be thankful for.  As I said, God has provided so much for me and I am exceedingly blessed beyond measure.  These areas where I fail are so difficult, but God is so faithful to lovingly teach me these lessons.  Seeing God provide so faithfully boosts my faith and removes fear.  I have nothing to fear thanks to a God Who knows all my needs, provides for them, and loves me unconditionally.  I have to be continually on my guard against fear and anxiety.  I know that God is moving and working.  I'm excited for where I believe He's leading me--although a lot of areas are still unknown, I can see glimpses of what He's up to. :)  More to come on that as well . . .   

For now, I will leave you with a hilarious Photo Booth picture.  I'm grateful for godly friends who push me and love me.  Like this one:

PS. You can check out the past two Sundays sermons--and others--HERE.  The sermon I mentioned specifically in this post is from April 3rd by Mickey Connolly and is entitled "Jesus Calms the Storm."

Glorious

I'm really bad at this blogging thing.  After this semester is over, I'm going to make it my goal to blog more.  I don't know what humorous anecdotes I'll come up with to tell you guys, but I'm sure something is always going on that's worth sharing.  


So much is going on in my life right now.  We are headed into final two weeks for Charlotte Christian Theatre Company's Production of Through the Looking Glass!  

Awesome promotional photo drawn by one of our cast members, Rebekah Chacko :)

The students are doing an amazing job.  On Monday night at rehearsal, God really impressed upon my heart to pray for the young lady praying Alice.  We gathered around her, and it really turned into this sweet time of calling on the Lord to meet our needs in the next few weeks as things get crazy.  I was so honored to be working with these righteous young people and to see their hearts.  God is so good!


I'm in the final 3 weeks of my first year of grad school!  It's hard to believe that school as I know it will end a year from now.  What a crazy time of the semester!  Everyone else seems to be panicking because deadlines are coming up and there are a million things due.  However, the way I see it is:  in three weeks this will all be over.  I've never NOT gotten everything done before, so why should this time be any different?  Sure, I'll have to do a lot of hard work, but honestly, I know it's going to get done.  So, why not just breathe?


It's easy to imagine that with all this craziness going on, I would be stressed out or anxious.  And to be completely honest, I'm truly surprised that I am not more uptight.  Normally at this point in the semester I am really freaking out, looking something like this:

But this year is different.


God's been gracious to give me a lot of chances to really talk to Him about what's going on in my life.  As I pray for those around me, I find myself becoming less and less worried.  


I'll be posting about this more in the upcoming days, but for now I'll just leave you with this song:

"Glorious" by Paul Baloche

Look inside the mystery,
See the empty cross
See the risen Saviour,
Victorious and strong
No one else above Him
None as strong to save
He alone has conquered,
The power of the grave
  
Glorious, my eyes have the seen the glory of the Lord
Glorious, He stands above the rulers of the Earth

Look beyond the tombstone
See the living God
See the resurrected
The ruler of my heart
No one else above him
None to match his worth
The hope of his returning
Fills the universe

Glorious, my eyes have the seen the glory of the Lord
Glorious, He stands above the rulers of the Earth
Glorious, glorious
Lord, You  are glorious

Revision is forgiveness

Since I am spending bookoos of time revising project after project, I thought I would share one of my favorite quotes about revision:


"Revision is hope.  We live our 'one, wild and precious life,' as Mary Oliver calls it, only once, but we get to reconsider it dozens of times along the way. . . .


Revision is like the layers of soil in Italian vineyards, like the layers of ancient civilizations beneath modern cities, like the layers of DNA in the oldest variety of grape, grafted by vintners over centuries into new varieties of grape, always in pursuit of the finest wine.


Revision is a second, third, fourth, even a twentieth chance.


We can revise our life.  We can revise our teaching.  We can revise the way we operate in the world.  Think about revision in the largest sense, of imagining things as if they could be otherwise, as Maxine Green says.


Revision is forgiveness."


~ Katherine Bomer -- Writing a Life




In other news--only a month until school/finals/papers/projects are done!  Excited to be able to check in more with you then.  :)

Monday Musings

I stole this from Marriage Confessions' archives.  It seems a good way to kick off Monday morning of the week after Spring Break.  

I am:  a grad student who is a horrible procrastinator.

I think: there are a lot more things to be joyful about than to complain about.

I know: I am extremely blessed.

I have: an intense desire for Dr. Pepper.  Or coffee.  Or both.

I wish: "to go to the festival!"  Into the Woods reference . . . anyone?  ANYONE?  *crickets*

I hate: how I give into the flesh.

I miss: my family. 

I fear: failure and mediocrity.

I hear: library sounds and a tutoring session.

I smell: mint and I get really happy.

I crave: turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy.

I search: for my calling.

I wonder: if I'll do something that really matters.

I regret: nothing.

I love: Dr. Pepper.  Did I mention that I'm craving it?

I ache: for people who don't know the Love that I do.

I am not: your average girl.

I believe: that God is sovereign and good.

I dance: while I'm doing the dishes.

I sing: all the time, all genres.

I cry: at every single musical I've ever seen.  Something about musical theatre just gets me.

I fight: feelings of mediocrity.

I lose: my mind periodically.

I win: no giveaways on the Pioneer Woman.  :(  Please give me things, Ree!

I never: really imagined going to grad school--but here I am!

I always: can use a good laugh.

I confuse: myself as I walk around campus (this place is huge).

I listen: to friends in lots of places and situations.

I am scared: if I'm ever home alone at night.

I need: dinner with friends every so often.

I am happy about: spending part of my spring break with my twin, Sarah! :)

I can usually be found: reading a book.  And don't you ever interrupt me while I'm reading a book!


Happy Monday! :)

The Prodigal Blogger

So, I started off with grand intentions of blogging every day.  That quickly dwindled to a couple of times a week, which would up looking like posting 7 times and then slacking for a month!  Oh my!  I am sure my lack of updates really affect no one in this world except for narcissistic little old me, but after prompting from a friend, I decided an update is due.  And thus begins the conglomeration of strange thoughts that I think you might possibly care about.  :)


This semester has been crazy.  We began with snow days right off the bat, throwing all the professors into a rush of restructuring syllabi--cutting readings, keeping most, and flooding our inboxes with notices about what to do for the classes we missed.  This semester looks to be crazy.  I'm averaging between 250-300 pages of reading a week, weekly responses, and a collaborative research project for the university writing center.  Currently I am reading Aristotle's Rhetoric, a text that, while valuable because of its foundational place in the western rhetorical canon, is more than a bit vexing to read.  Also on deck for this semester are St. Augustine's On Christian Doctrine, Descartes' Discourse on Method, and Nietzsche's The Use and Abuse of History, to name a few.  Do I understand them when I read them?  Not necessarily--but amazing class discussions help with that.  


I also presented a wicked cool paper on Gene Luen Yang's American Born Chinese at the university's annual English Graduate Student Association conference.  If you have not read this graphic novel, check it out.  Seriously.  And don't hate just because it's a graphic novel--it really is an amazing story that is cleverly told.


I've been working on cooking more, one of my goals on my list of New Year's Purposes.  I've been very excited to try some new stuff--some with better results than others--but it's been fun none the less.  On one of the snow days, I tried The Pioneer Woman's Flat Apple Pie, complete with homemade perfect pie crust.  I'm not sure exactly what happened, but the crust was the wrong consistency, the gooey goodness of the pie leaked all over the pan and the apples were undercooked.  Of course, I don't blame PW . . . I'm sure the fault lies with one "innovative" (read: scatterbrained and sometimes sloppy) grad student. :)  


My mother also got me a Trader Joe's gift card for Christmas.  I went on a shopping spree the other day and got some yummy goodies to cook with as well as enjoy.  One of my favorite purchases was the White Bean and Basil hummus--this is the stuff dreams are made of.  Well, my dreams anyways.  I don't claim to speak for your dreams.  But my dreams--ooooooooh yes! :)  I also decided to make this Brown Rice and Beans recipe.  As you can see, the recipe calls for a can of black beans, so I picked up a can as I was wandering around the store.  As I got home and began to prepare, I took a closer look at my black beans, and what did I find?  I had gotten a can of refried black beans.  Being hungry and having already bought the beans, I forged ahead.  What resulted was a dinner that, while delicious, had a very different consistency than I'm sure the original cook planned for it to.  Didn't bother me though! 


In the world of the arts, I recently went to see The King's Speech, which you can view the trailer for here.  In case you haven't heard, this small, originally independent and low budget film is garnering roughly a bajillion nominations for all the awards shows this year.  I have loved Colin Firth ever since his turn as Fitzwilliam Darcy in the BBC Adaptation of Pride and Prejudice (my oh my, I am quite the linking machine today!).  He is a brilliant actor who is very versatile.  His performance as Bertie was splendid, as were Helena Bonham Carter's turn as the Queen Mother and Geoffrey Rush's depiction of speech therapist Lionel Logue.  Even more fascinating is that this was all based on the true story of King George VI.  


This was the best movie I had seen in a LONG time.  It is rated R for language, but most of that language is contained within two scenes, where Logue pushes Bertie to unleash his frustration, realizing that Bertie does not stammer when angry.  Outside of those two scenes, this movie could have easily been rated PG.  The cinematography was clever, the way the score was handled was brilliant, and the acting was superb.  I am pulling for this film for Best Picture of the Year at the Academy Awards, as well as wins for Firth, Bonham Carter, and Rush in their respective categories.     


Well, I'm off and running once again.  Today I'm getting ready for a shower of a dear friend Ashley who I have known since she was born.  Seriously.  We played together in the nursery, and every childhood birthday party has a memory of her there.  I'm so excited for all God is doing in her life, how He has brought she and Jordan together, and the work He will do through them as the new Shelley family! :)  For her shower tonight, I'm trying Pioneer Woman's Pig Cake--here's hoping that it turns out better than the Flat Apple Pie. :)  I am SO SO SO SO blessed to have lifelong friends and a godly group of women who keep up with each other and encourage each other.  On that note, I'll leave you with a quote from my reading last week:


"And so in general we like those who are really faithful to their friends, and never desert them in time of trouble; among all the kinds of good men, they are especially liked who are good in the strength of their affections." ~ Aristotle, Rhetoric

The Greatest of All

This is currently one of my favorite songs.  We have sung it at my church several times, and I find its message to be so powerful.  Have a listen: 

"The Greatest of All"


The greatest of all transactions
The costliest purchase price
Father, Your Son’s atoning death
Was given in payment for mine
To buy me back from slavery
To set me free from my chains

Redeemed, how I love to proclaim it
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb
Redeemed through Your infinite mercy
Your child forever I am

Now I’ll never know Your judgment
You ransomed and saved my soul
Jesus, Your death and Yours alone
Has canceled the debt that I owed
You satisfied the law’s demand
And new life’s been given to me


God is so very merciful and kind to have given Jesus for me.  I love the idea that God bought me back from slavery.  When I think of sin and how it has the power to enslave us if given a hold, I realize just how much I have been saved from.  I owed a debt because of my rebellion to a perfect God.  And only Jesus' death could have satisfied that debt.  


It truly is the greatest of all transactions.